Harvard Medical School Finds Proof that Finishing a Beer Mile Makes You a Complete Badass

After 10 long years of research, we are happy to conclude that we have found definitive proof that finishing a beer mile at least once per year during the week of February 22nd on the track behind the IM building in Ann Arbor Michigan has a strong positive impact on ones ability to be successful later in life. The data was extremely conclusive, except for one participant. A student by the name of Peter Gallette, unfortunately, did not have the same results as the other participants. According to our researchers, however, it is likely that peter wimped out and was unable to actually complete the beer mile because he can’t hang and is unable to drink four beers consecutively. While there is no proof of this, it would make a lot of sense.

Fuck PCT and DSP. Let’s take this shit!!!